Coming back to how needs relate to attachment…If we find that we are having a lot of difficulty letting go of a relationship that we doesn’t work for us (a relationship in which our needs and requirements are not being met), chances are that our desire to hold on to the relationship is less about love and more about our own fears, loneliness, and sometimes desperation to fulfill our own emotional needs.
This is not to say that we shouldn’t have needs in a relationship or that it’s not ok to have those needs met.
Nonetheless, the truth is that the older you are when you are single and dating, the more likely it will be that you will date a man who is either divorced or separated.
As a result, I had never let myself be who I truly was when I was dating. And it was devastating to me when I wasn’t loved back.
I realize now that I was really confused about what it meant to love and be loved.
This problem can be true for the breakup of committed relationships as well. We need to sleep and eat, we need light to see, we need love and relationships.
Getting a divorce does not necessarily erase your love for, or your attachment to, your ex. However, neediness tends to be a sieve that will be empty regardless of how much you put into it.
In retrospect, it was a time in my life when I was really struggling.