“It’s like a being a business friend with benefits, but I won’t eat the last slice of pizza or the last beer”. Carol’s knowledge and guidance as an attorney was weighed versus older men who stubbornly head into disaster to “prove a point”.
Carol had dated a divorcee who nursed a grudge against his first wife’s business decisions with their money. Carol cites her dilemma with men closer to her own age: “I got tired of fighting a battle for supremacy everyday. I have abilities and skills and I got fed up trying to pretend I am less than I am.
To Carol, most younger men don’t have these issues.
“I always think of what my life would have been like if I had had a relationship at an early age with an enabler, instead of a daddy-type or corporate glyph.” Carol had too many relationships that did not make her happy to let another one commence without having some ground rules.
After their first argument, Carol went to bed and asked if they could talk about it in the morning. His old girlfriend, Carol explained, would have been huddled in the bathroom with her mom, dad, sister, or college roommate on her cell phone for hours. I always wanted more stability in the home life but it was always touch and go every day with the big man’s job or career. Carol learned that a lot of her hard-won experience in relationships paid off with a younger guy.
Carol explained how she and her boyfriend structure alone time to pursue friendships and other interests so that time can never be unevenly spent out of whack.
“If I come home from business meetings since dawn and the condo is dirty, yeah I’m a little angry.
“There always seemed to be a vanishing point where I was supposed to quit and have kids and get married, or hit a plateau and the guy’s career was more important.